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B-MOVIE: THE SHOOTING OF FARMHOUSE MASSACRE
Produced by Mark Terry
Directed by Vito Trabucco
Written by Herb Kowalski
Edited by Travis StoffsVito Anslemi - Vito Trabucco
Mark Epstein - Mark Terry
Suzi - Suzi Shareaux (a.k.a. Kelli Summers)
Jasi - Jasi Cotton Lanier
Debbie - Debbie RochonI can spot an artsy film school geek a mile a while, especially ones that went to a "prestigious" school. There are little phrases they work their way into film discussion, especially when referring to their own pretentious work, such as: "it's about the choices we all make," "the emotion core is contained in that one central idea," or "that universal concept of love that we're all searching for."
Screw those guys! I hate those f*ckers! What on God's green Earth is any of that garbage supposed to mean?
You know who uses phrases like that? Those with nothing valid to say, either about cinema or with cinema. These wanna-bes hide behind generic concepts and ideas because they're so broad that they're irrefutable.
And for some reason bimbos think that just because you say something, anything, that you know what you're talking about.
B-MOVIE: THE SHOOTING OF FARMHOUSE MASSACRE opens with a ferociously funny rip on these very filmgeeks that I despise. Even if the movie went down from there, and found nothing else in the b-movie world worth poking fun of, I would still put it on my list of new personal favorites and consider it required viewing for anyone remotely interested in b-cinema, especially those of you reading this review.
Vito Anslemi and Mark Epstein are two directionless backyard filmmakers working in the "massacre genre." Their dreams are to produce feature length projects with scripts the size of a synopses. Fill the screen with a little blood, get fiends to stand in as actors, and con any cute girl they come across at the Chiller Festival into getting naked is their m.o..
They spend their in between time mowing lawns and jerking off.
B-MOVIE: THE SHOOTING OF FARMHOUSE MASSACRE chronicles the making of Anslemi and Epstein's latest feature, the first in what is fated to be a trilogy. The movie documents their inept processes of conception and execution, including a hilarious look at approaching actresses for roles that require nudity.
B-MOVIE falls someplace between AMERICAN MOVIE and THE LONG WALK HOME in its deconstruction of no-budget cinema. While fictionalized, the scenes hit too close to home not to be taken from actual events. In fact, I think Jasi Lanier has used the very same argument against doing nudity on the B-Independent.com message boards.
Please don't take my opening statements to mean that all of B-MOVIE is a jab at the faux-intellectualism surrounding filmschool elitist, that's only a small part. The emotional core that is B-MOVIE is contained in the one central idea found in that little right there in its title, and that's the modern state of b-cinema and the lows its achieved in recent years. As I've said many times, just because someone has the means to make a movie doesn't mean they should. It's only when you have something to say that you should choose to take up the camera and document the universal concepts we're all searching for.
Or, hell, you could just have fun with everything like the guys who made B-MOVIE. Goddamn, it's funny.