CHILDREN OF THE LIVING DEAD

Produced - John A. Russo and Karen Wolf
Directed - Tor A. Ramsey
Written by Karen Lee Wolf
Edited by Tom Dubensky
Director of Photography - Bill Hinzman

Deputy Hughes - Tom Savini
Deputy Randolph - Martin Schiff
Matthew Michaels - Damien Luvara
Laurie Danesi - Jamie McCoy
Abbott Hayes - A. Barrett Worland

For close to a year now, I've heard all kinds of reports on how Tor Ramsey's CHILDREN OF THE LIVING DEAD is not just one of the worst films ever made, but a total and complete abomination to the horror genre in general. Even actor/SFX creator Tom Savini said he regrets having been associated with the production. I'm not sure if I saw the same movie that everyone else did. While the script is overflowing with its share of stupidity and bad ideas, it never really reaches the "new apex of badness" that its reputation has been based upon. All things considered, it's not much worse than many rentals currently lining the shelves.

About this time, a lesser critic would launch into a rant belittling John Russo and Bill Hinzman for sucking their last few breaths from George Romero's LIVING DEAD series. We've all heard it before; we've all said it before. They too were originally part of Romero's piece of film history, what's wrong with them reliving their glory days? Nothing, as long as they don't count COTLD as part of those glory days.

Karen Lee Wolf's script seems to follow the LIVING DEAD productions that Russo was directly involved with, including the first RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. There are references to the zombie infestations of 1968 and 1982. Both are treated as localized events, spitting directly into the eye of Romero's masterpiece, but it does help explain why no one outside of the immediate area can grasp the concept of the dead walking the earth. Funny thing, all the locals are old timers, you think they would have left town after the first infestation, let alone stick around 30+ years for a third…

The story revolves around Abbott Hayes, a serial killer brought back to life during the last zombie infestation that no one has been able to kill. Shortly after he was turned, he used a group of local children to bait some of the local zombie hunters. 15 years later, still alive…er…un-dead…er...kicking (!), the Abbott zombie finally gets a chance to turn those kidnap victims into his flesh-craving minions. Together, they plan to stop a used car lot from being built over the local cemetery.

Or at least how that's how the story plays out (I would love to see Nathan Shumate's play-by-play on the story over at his site, www.coldfusionreviews.com). The scares are supposed to come from people who can't hear zombies creeping up behind them in an open field during broad daylight or having them jumping out in front of the cast only to tear their throats out. No build up, no suspense, no logic. The events that unfold defy rational thought. The characters couldn't be any more moronic if their educations ended with the first grade. Zombies are left alive on so they can show up later. Characters are introduced that serve no purpose other than to be served up as zombie fodder. Heaven forbid a character goes off on their own, you can count the seconds to their demise…3…2…1…"zombie!"

I don't mention this in too many of my reviews of amateur films, but in a professional production don't just pay attention to your cast, make sure you pay your cast! Actors were left by the wayside only to have their jobs replaced by friends of the filmmakers (okay, I've no way to confirm that last line other than noting the strangely coincidental last names from the credits, but that's how bad the acting seems to be - nepotism isn't illegal, but it sure can ruin a movie). For an audience, it's distracting to see the cast stop in mid-sentence and start from the beginning. It's even worse when all the dialogue is dubbed in during post. Why on God's green Earth didn't the filmmakers pay attention during the recording sessions? Ugh!!!

As for Tom Savini, he was right to condemn this movie. For a 5-minute role, he gets some serious name billing. The character's not even that impressive. Deputy-turned-survivalist Hughes is nothing more than a cartoon version of the same killing machine character he's played time and time again in films from DAWN OF THE DEAD to FROM DUSK 'TILL DAWN. A great missed opportunity for a nice in-joke would have been to see the cock-canon Savini sported in DUSK make an appearance during his rumble-tumble with a field full of zombies. But then again, an in-joke would mean the filmmakers were in tune with the films that inspired this one as well as the audience who shell out their hard-earned cash for the rental.

Whew…it's been a long time since I've torn into a movie like this. What's sad is that when the film hit the halfway point I started wishing that the film would somehow become even worse than it already was. With a bit of effort, the filmmakers could have hit that so-bad-it's-good category and created a delightfully cheesy party movie. In the end, all the filmmakers created was a painfully horrible straight to video production that is sadly comparable to almost any other recent STV horror production. The world is full of filmic dreck, but lately all we've gotten from the horror genre is the fuzzy end of the lollipop. Oh, and the fuzz is CHILDREN OF THE LIVING DEAD.

Artisan