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EAT ME

Directed, Written, and Edited by Chris LaMartina

Starring:

Rich Bolen
Kandis Williams
Justin Loys
Dave Hong

One thing I can say about Chris LaMartina is that as a filmmaker he doesn't kid himself. While watching his slasher comedy EAT ME, I took my usual notes. My primary comparison for the movie was an episode of Scooby-Doo. On the commentary, realizing the similarities, LaMartina admitted to the unintentional reference. While Scooby-Doo might not have been a direct skewering, the bashing of conservative politics is all over this picture from start to finish. Ironically enough, on the commentary, LaMartina meekly ponders if his social and political views come through. Yes, Chris, like the sledgehammer to the head in the opening scene, viewers realize your leftist views on everything from consumerism to religion.

EAT ME establishes the main characters, a rampant bunch of militant liberals, by having them throw a brick through a McDonald's window. Viewers can just hear the credo "death to corporate American" in the splintering of every shard of glass. In broad daylight, this act of urban terrorism (liberal translation: civil unrest) is supposed to illustrate our heroes' rebellious streak; their devil-may-care disregard toward economic and social cohesiveness.

Any nobility that could possibly be derived from LaMartina's Scooby-esque gang of social miscreants is undermined by the revelation that these kids are as stupid as any other teenagers in any other slasher flick. When faced with the prospect of a large man tearing out your vocal cords with a hedge-trimmer, the common sense of conservatism tells you to "GET AWAY AS FAR AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN," and not to investigate or return to the scene of the crime. I'd be willing to bet that 99.99% of the time, those meddling punks won't be foiling Farmer Johnson's plot to open a Chicken and Pizza Shack on cursed ground - they'd end up with a neck full of hedge-trimmer.

Knowing that LaMartina's movie is so chock-full of social commentary, which is pointed out incident by incident on the commentary, should one assume that every time someone urinates on a cornfield (which occurs a few times) that LaMartina is pissing on rural America? Does he not realize that society can indeed survive without the traffic clutter and chaotic nightlife of the concrete jungle, but without the food that our nation's farms provide the next variation of "We Are the World" will be sung by Africa for U.S.A.?

I'd like to think that no one except for skinheads and Klansmen are blinded by such cultural bigotry in this nation of diversity referred to as The Great Melting Pot. Then again, I'm an optimist.

Despite the liberal agenda put forth by LaMartina, he manages to keep the tone of his movie light and frothy. It is, after all, a slasher movie made by teenagers for teenagers. Produced just after LaMartina graduated high school, EAT ME reflects a knowledge of moviemaking skill far superior to other backyard, amateur moviemakers. There are no scenes played out in master shots; action is covered and edited with the attention of someone desperately trying to make a good movie.

While I might kid LaMartina, and you readers, by the political views presented, it's refreshing to see someone of LaMartina's age bring a point of view to his productions. I've always found that to be the difference between an artist and a hack. I won't discourage LaMartina from sticking to genre filmmaking, especially if that's where his heart lies, but I would love to see him try his hand at more overtly political filmmaking, which might be more reflective of his passions.