NoAngels.com

Produced by Pat Siciliano
Directed by Robert Talbot and Sibil Richards
Edited by Edward Parker-Jones and bob Rawlins
Director of Photography - Mirik

Featuring:
Nicole Martiano
Laural Dunne
Zoe Paul
Karen Chasen
Brandy Miller

Those looking for the typical Surrender Cinema T&A softcore will be sadly disappointed. NoAngels.com is billed as a factual documentary detailing the rise of an adult Internet site. Those looking for an insightful, third person view of the birth of a new cyber portal will be sadly disappointed as well. There's really no substance to the documentary. Hell, I don't know whether any of it's real or staged, but I know which side I'm leaning on and I'm not buying it.

Don't give up hope and stop reading just yet. Those of you looking for gorgeous women will NOT be disappointed. One thing Surrender does better than any other softcore company is bring in the gorgeous talent. The five girls who "launch" the site are hands down the most beautiful women to ever appear in a Surrender Cinema release, and they all get naked.

Reason #1 why Allen doesn't buy it: these girls are ALWAYS on. I don't care who she is, no matter what, no girl can look as glamorous as these gals do 24 hours a day. We're talking just-woke-up-and-fully-hung-over-and-still-looking-like-a-sexpot hot. Nope. Sorry, can't buy it.

The leader of the group is Nicole Martiano, former Penthouse Pet and veteran of 85 centerfolds in less than a year. She "hires" the camera crew to follow her from start to finish as she fulfills her dream of owning an Internet site where the content falls somewhere between Playboy and Penthouse. She has an idea as to whom she needs to work with, but doesn't know all the participants personally. When approached by Nicole, all girls don't just jump at the chance to work on the site, they jump at the chance to become partners.

Reason #2: I don't care how "blonde" someone is, noone is dumb enough to blindly ask a person to be business partners without doing some sort of research first. However, I would be willing to believe that these scenes are recreations ala Errol Morris.

Once the partners are in place, Nicole then puts the financing in place by seducing an old boyfriend.

Reason #3: Show a little leg, turn over your bank account. That I can buy. I'm king of the suckers when shown a bit of thigh. But the sequence in the film just seems staged. It's too "neat and tidy".

Having secured financing, the girls go shopping. I can buy that. Oh God, can buy that.

Reason #4: the girls go into a lingere shop try on different items. There was some fence sitting before on whether the film was authentic or not, but this was the clentcher for me. The only items the girls pick up are part of the "Surrender" line of sex toys. Jacquilene Lovel's face is plastered on a bottle of Surrender Lotion. Maybe Charlie Band has gone into the sex toy market, but everything just felt like a commercial at this point. (note: to any ladies that might still be reading this, guys really don't like boas.)

Casting of the girls. Having done this myself, that's pretty much how it goes. You chat, they get naked, and then they crack lame jokes to kill the tension and take the focus off their boobs. (note: when casting, and the lame jokes start, always complement the girls and then QUICKLY more on to something else. Never linger on the subject, this makes the girls feel incredibly uncomfortable. ) Those expecting a chance for the NoAngels.com use the casting sessions to bust out with the money shots will also be disappointd . My "unrated" version wasn't that unrated.

By day 40 there's some tension amongst the ranks. The always gorgeous, English, computer gal is stressing out while the other's make fun behind her back. She's afraid the site with will crash. This is the most personality we've seen from any of these people. The source of the back-biting is Nicole, some leader she makes.

Reason #5: having dated some attractive computer gals, the last thing they want to do is doll themselves up before locking themselves away for the day. We're talking sweets, jeans, and ponytails. (exactly how I like my women, natural and relaxed.)

Finally the day arrives to launch the site and the girls throw a big party to celebrate. That's it, nothing more. No resolution whatsoever.

We've learned that if your hot and show some tit, guys with fat bankrolls will shower you with cash. Everything in life comes easy to those who are willing to swing their naked twat in someone's face. Natural beauty is for the unsuccessful, make up and expensive clothes make the girl.

To be honest, maybe the girls do own the site and they truly are as insipid as they come off. But a more likely scenerio would be that Charlie Band owns a stake in the site, if not the entire site. His marketing genius would be to create a film detailing the site's origin and plugging his line of erotic mechandise, the money from the rentals would finance new content until everything the site was cash positive. You've got a commercial people are willing to pay to see.

Charlie Band is my hero.

Surrender Cinema
Full Moon Pictures

---