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THE BLACK NINJA
Written and directed by Clayton Prince
Produced by Parris Z MooreMalik/Black Ninja- Clayton Prince
Tracy- Carla Brothers
Tony Fanelli- Nicky DeMatteoI have a friend who likes to tell jokes. The thing is, his jokes don’t have punchlines and he says them completely straight-faced so you can’t ever tell if he’s kidding or not. This movie reminds me of him. Is this supposed to be funny? I can tell that certain scenes are intended to be humorous. But for the rest of the film, I can’t be sure if this is supposed to be a joke or if I’m supposed to be getting involved with the story. Am I just missing the punchline? Is there one?
To start with, we have the introductory scene where the Black Ninja (played by writer/director Clayton Prince) beats up a few chunky, slow white muggers. He’s accompanied by the Black Ninja theme which seems like a throwback to funky 70s flicks. The choreography of the fight is pretty lame. And remember the cheesy action movie cliché that was so popular in the mid-80s…the one where someone gets punched and they show the exact same hit three times to emphasize just how much it hurt? That makes an appearance here too…as well as about thirty other times scattered throughout the movie. P> Okay, so I take it this movie’s supposed to be a comedy. This scene is immediately followed by a courtroom scene where the Black Ninja’s alter ego, defense attorney Malik Ali, wins an acquittal for a rapist. This is played like it’s supposed to be funny too, although nothing humorous actually happens. So it’s more like a light-hearted scene about how a goofy rapist gets off. High-larious! Those rapists sure make for good comedy!
But after this, the movie seems to be playing things pretty straight. Malik is haunted by the death of his family. He blames himself because years ago he successfully defended a killer Japanese ninja and charged this ninja a hundred thousand dollars for the defense, and the ninja, angered at paying that much money, killed Malik’s family. Okay, see how goofy this sounds? But it’s played as if we’re supposed to take this somewhat seriously. Malik has a long, tender scene at his wife’s grave where he talks to her and cries, and we see flashbacks of his dead wife and children. But they were killed by a ninja in a red outfit!
And by the way, aren’t ninjas supposed to be sneaky? You would think wearing a Day-Glo red outfit would hinder that ability, but I guess not.
Malik has turned down the big Mafia don Tony Fanelli (Nicky DeMatteo), who wants Malik to represent him. It seems like Malik doesn’t like Tony because he’s a Mafia guy and therefore bad, although he doesn’t have a problem getting rapists off even though he knows the guy is guilty. Malik is also helping a witness (Carla Brothers) who has been targeted by Tony because she saw him murder somebody. And will he get a rematch with the big red ninja? Could be!
So is this movie supposed to be a straight out comedy or somewhat serious, or a hybrid? Because it isn’t funny, and it isn’t dramatic. There are scenes that I could swear are supposed to be dramatic, but those are the funniest scenes of the movie. Was that the point? However this movie was intended, the filmmakers failed.
First I’ll hit the bad points and get those out of the way, then we can get to the good.
The script doesn’t make sense. Malik is portrayed as a greedy guy who doesn’t seem to care what the defendant did as long as he has a lot of money. But one of his ex-defendants murdered his entire family, so at night he becomes the Black Ninja in order to dispense justice. Shouldn’t he be a prosecutor? Why does he defend the type of guy he doesn’t mind permanently crippling or killing on the street? Is he full of self-loathing? And why would a big time Mafia don like Tony beat and kill a cop in a store FULL OF WITNESSES? Is Tony just really, really dumb? After a few hitmen try to kill the witness and are instead killed by the Black Ninja, why would the police arrest the witness? One of them even acknowledges that they should have been protecting her and that they know these are Tony’s goons. Are the police as stupid as Tony? At least it’s a stalemate…neither side has any brains.
This movie is visually monotonous. Basically every dialogue scene is shot in a simple two-shot that lasts the length of the conversation, and when they’re finished talking, the scene ends. How about some cutaways or something? The scene where Malik talks to his dead wife’s grave is a static shot that lasts about eighty seconds. Some people don’t shower that long!
The fight scenes are terrible. Bad choreography, poorly shot, and no wit. Just lame. And stop with the 80s “hit him three times” shot! It’s not clever or cool. It wasn’t back then either.
Now for the good.
Clayton Prince gives a good performance as the title character. He shows a lot of talent and charisma.
There’s a scene where we get to see two women in bikinis. However, this only counts for half a point because they’re massaging pasty old Tony.
2.5) A little Asian guy shows up for about a minute and did a few flips. I liked him.
I guess Clayton Prince wrote this movie for himself to star in because he wasn’t getting enough chances to show his stuff. Well, he’s a good leading actor. He’s not a good writer or director. Hopefully someone with those two essential skills will put Clayton in a leading role, and then Clayton will be happy because he gets to star in a movie, and audiences will be happy because it isn’t as bad as the Black Ninja.
Review by Eric Thornett