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THE JIZZ MOPPER
Produced, Directed, Written, Edited, and Video Taped by Mike Murphy
The Jizz Mopper - Randy Cook
Harry Johnson - Michael Johnson
Catholic Priest - Dino Scoppettone
Jizz's Boss - Rik StormThe Jizz Mopper is a vile man. He's a waste of life with no goals or ambition who exists for the sole purpose of taking up space. When he's not cleaning the remnants of gentleman's relish in the aftermath of a Seka sandwich, he's sleeping the day away.
THE JIZZ MOPPER is a vile movie. Devoid of any worthwhile point or purpose, it exists simply to gross out the audience with geesh gags. When not focused on the title character, viewers are treated to brief introductions to those whom the Jizz Mopper attends, horny men who drop their spunk in porn shop video booths.
Director Mike Murphy is the vile mind who milks every possible drop of humor that stems from man's ability to secrete and excrete by numbers (you should all know Numbers 1 &2, and should be able to figure out Number 3). Like DUMB AND DUMBER, THE JIZZ MOPPER owes its existence to potty humor. The opening minute is the world's longest urination, and it's immediately followed by a Hiroshima-like case of the backdoor trots. Apparently the Jizz Mopper can't hold his chili... When it comes to low brow humor, Murphy goes for the lowest of the low and scrapes the bottom of the septic tank.
Murphy gives more than a passing node to the movie that no-doubt inspired TJM, CLERKS. Whole gags are either directly lifted, such as the opening "but it's my day off" phone call, or paid homage to,such as the "would you suck your own cock if you were able to" gag. (Truth be told, I think most men would, or at least they'd try, but none of us would ever fess up to it).
As a porn world homage to CLERKS, THE JIZZ MOPPER is a ten-minute gag that goes on for an extra 22 minutes. A faster pace would have given some of the gags more punch. Viewers don't need to see the Jizz Mopper's every step when making a pimento loaf sandwich, or every move he makes when getting ready for work. What viewers want from a movie titled THE JIZZ MOPPER is the money shot. They want to see this sloth-plagued cretin get his comeuppance and clean the remnants of man's self-abuse. TJM embodies man's worst nightmare, reaching a point so low in life that cleaning up after other men is the only way we can make a living. Without even knowing it, TJM is like an anti-Tony Robbins, a motivationless motivational speaker who teaches through the error of his habitual idlenes.
Fans of gross-out humor should find something to laugh at in Mike Murphy's THE JIZZ MOPPER. It's not a great underground picture, but it does have its moments of inspired lunacy. A scene where a video booth is used as a confessional comes to mind. The dialogue flows in an endless array of biblical and pornographic puns that had me laughing despite by religious upbringing. Wrong is wrong, but it can also be pretty funny.