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TWO FRONT TEETH
Produced by Rob Content, David Thomas, Sckrabulis, and Jamie Nach
Directed by Jamie Nach and David Thomas Sckrabulis
Written by Jamie Nash
Edited by David Thomas Sckrabulis
Director of Photography - David Thomas SckrabulisGabe Snow - Johnny Francis Wolf
Noelle Snow - Megan Pearson
Ed - Michael Bracher
Pete - Joseph L. Johnson
Clausferatu - Josh BuchbinderWith all the films submitted for review over the years that still haven't been screened, it's hard to justify writing something for a piece of microcinema screened at a festival. It really isn't fair to all those who have taken the time to submit something directly. Then again, at festivals it's not uncommon to stumble across a film where it would be a disservice for me to not showcase the merits of those involved. At the 2006 Spooky Movie Film Festival, held in Fairfax, Virginia, a film titled TWO FRONT TEETH screened that is a prime example of no-budget excellence.
The story opens with Noelle Snow making time with a mall Santa while her husband is as work. Noelle exudes a sort of bitchy sexiness that you only find in strong-willed women. It's easy to see why she cheats on her husband, Gabe, he's a spineless Claus-trophobic who doesn't serve his sexpot wife. Sure, he's a good guy, but he's never home. Gabe works for the X-Mas Files, a Weekly World News knock-off specializing in season stories. Noelle, while obviously self-reliant, needs the sort of sexual attention and love that an absentee husband out chasing mutant snowmen can't possible give.
Before things get too hot and heavy between Noelle and her jolly old beau, things start to go bump up on the rooftop. It's seems that Gabe actually stumbled across a story that hit a little too close to the North Pole and Noelle and Saint Dick will have to pay the price unless Gabe can man-up, pull the candy cane out of his ass, and Scooby-Doo his way to the bottom of the story. What exactly does Santa, the tooth fairy, mutant elves, vampires, and Catholic ninjas have to do with tragedy that befell Flight 1225?
It's hard to discuss any more of the story in depth without giving too many of the surprises away. Please believe me when I say that I wish I could chat-up every single laughter-filled moment with you, dear readers. Sharing all the numerous Christmas puns, both verbal and visual, as well as sly references to some of the best horror entertainment that television and film has to offer is as much fun as enjoying the movie itself.
To give you a better idea of what to expect, and without spoiling the best gags, consider the opening credits. Mostly comprised of a number of throwaway headlines from the X-Mas Files tabloid, the following perfectly captures the good-natured, albeit often raunchy, humor that permeates throughout TWO FRONT TEETH. Picture this, Mrs. Clause in a Pamela-Tommy Lee style sex romp with elves, Santa giving some good little girl a case of the Christmas crabs while stopping for quickies under the mistletoe, and holiday-themed crop circles that look like various Chanukah paraphernalia. In this movie, nothing holiday oriented is too taboo...except, perhaps, for Kwanza.
While cloaked in postmodern cynicism that one comes to expect from today's horror comedies, TWO FRONT TEETH tells a simply sweet story about how two people fall in love all over again. It's not that Gabe and Noelle ever fell out of love, but rather that they became too absorbed in their own needs and desires. Neither wants to hurt the other, but they're also tired of being hurt by the other.
As Gabe and Noelle Snow, Johnny Wolf and Megan Pearson come across as the Nick and Nora Charles of today's lower middle-class. They have that same fluid chemistry found in the THIN MAN features of the 1940's but through Nash's smart writing the two exude a sardonic bite reflective of today's pop-culture-obsessed society. As strange as it might sound, especially to those that have seen the film, the pair actually reminded me of a number of lovingly dysfunctional married couples that I know personally. As Gabe and Noelle go from one insanely outrageous scenario to the next, their relationship becomes the most grounded element of the movie.
While my description of the movie might sound a little too gushing, please believe me when I say that it doesn't completely capture the pure enjoyment I had watching this on the big screen. It was an experience that diminished not one single iota during my second viewing at home where I laughed just as hard. Perhaps it's the aging fanboy in me that so thoroughly appreciated the pure entertainment that Nash and Sckrabulis dish out.
Sure, the title of Jamie Nash and David Sckrabulis' holiday-themed horror comedy is a riff on a classic novelty song, but the feature itself can be considered a novelty of a different sort - an original, fun, and fright-filled holiday horror opus. I hope that over time TWO FRONT TEETH will be regarded as a classic just like Don Gardner's Yuletide ditty.