UNNATURALLY BORN KILLER

Written and Produced by Ross Marshall and Daryl Carstensen
Directed by Daryl Carstensen

Walter - Ross Marshall
Stephanie Beaton
Mary Shelton

Holy Mary, Mother of Jesus! What a mess.

Even on fast foreword, it was hard to make it through UNNATURALLY BORN KILLER. And in all honesty, I didn't. In the past, I've given movies a fair shake. If they put me to sleep, I would put them in again and again until I was able to stay awake and make it to the end. At least that way, I could pull the credits off.

Not this time. I have no intention of going back and trying to get through this one. It's just bad. That's a word I don't usually use when reviewing movies - bad. Notice up top how Stephanie Beaton and Mary Shelton don't have character names? They weren't listed on the back of the box, and I'm not going to throw in the tape retrieve them. I'm a good boy, and this movie is for those condemned to the ninth level of hell.

Jeffery Dahlmer got shanked in the bathroom; a more fitting punishment would have been to let him watch UNNATURALLY BORN KILLER on continuous loop until his eyes exploded and he bled from every pore. In all fairness, that continuous loop would have only spun a few times.

UNNATURALLY BORN KILLER has the same look and feel of another movie I truly loathed, BANGERS. They might even be made by the same people, but I don't care enough to go and look up the facts. Both movies even share the same star, Stephanie Beaton. To those that are fans of her's, you'll see more of her in BANGERS, and I mean that both figuratively and literally. Stephanie is on screen just long enough to die. She plays a bimbo airhead looking to break into horror movies. She auditions for director-serial killer Walter, and is promptly drugged, tied up, and disemboweled. If you're looking for Stephanie-nakedness, go to her website, you aren't going to find it here. The only exploitation she's involved with has to do with Walter trying to eat her intestines. For that matter, the only naked person I saw during the entire course (okay, half-course) was an overweight woman who got shotgunned while taking a shower.

UNNATURALLY BORN KILLER is a movie that prides itself on how low it can sink, but it never goes far enough. Moments of depravity are offset by moments of wanna-be intellectualism. The audience is treated (or tortured) by glimpses inside Walter's head. We see him fantasizing about conduct an orchestra between gut-munchings. (At least I think that's what was going on. By this time the fastforeward was getting a serious workout.) If this was an attempt to reveal depth in the character, then the exercise failed miserably. All it did was pad out and already overdrawn exploitation film that would have been more enjoyable if it kept reaching for lower levels of vileness. As it stands, UNNATURALLY BORN KILLER is the bottom of the barrel. Another inch and it would have been underneath, and that's something to talk about Sub Rosa

---